I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
