I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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