You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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