if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
