i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
