Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Randomize
