I just cut my nipple shaving
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
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