No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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