I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
