Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
