she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
