Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
