mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
