They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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