I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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