names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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