I could have mohawked her pubes.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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