Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Randomize
