he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
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