either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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