i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
