Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
