I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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