had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
We need to feng shui this bitch.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
