Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
