He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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