Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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