I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
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