Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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