i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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