fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
