I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
