So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
