He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
