so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
