it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
In America we eat man semen.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
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