All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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