I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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