I want to make a zoo with you.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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