yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
