i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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