he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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