she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
