Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
