Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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