I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
