this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize
