you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Randomize
