sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Randomize
