Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
