we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
